I think I have a disorder. I feel apathetic sometimes about social contact with people,and then I get nervous, or I start wondering what they think about me or where I stand in society. Im 15 and I just wish I could be happy and calm. I go to a school where theres less than 600 kids, alot of them I cant relate too cause there older. Im a freshman and alot of the kids are arrogant, spoiled, immature and just plain annoying in general. Some days at school I'd feel sad for absolutely no reason at all or be angry almost all the time. When im talking to a person, specifically new, i get nervous and i start thinking about what i should say, or what i shouldnt say. I worry about how i can make that person feel comfortable or laugh with me when there around me. I just want people to like me. I start feeling like if im in a dream, and start focusing on how i act around people. I dont know why I feel this way. I try talking to my mom, but she usually doesnt believe me or blows me away, saying shes the one who must be crazy. I do smoke occasionally. I see everyone else happy, i tend to think, man that person must have it good when it comes to friends. I see everyone laughing and smiling. really what it comes down too is that i want to feel like that too, i want to have good friends, to not feel lonely sometimes, and people to feel the way i feel.
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Sure you have social anxiety. Now whether you want to let your fear control you or not is the real question. one day i woke up, and as i sat up i realized something. I'm afraid to be happy. I'm afraid people won't like me or that they will think I'm weird. but they do think I'm weird because I'm awkward when i try to talk to anyone. have you ever heard of the law of attraction? whatever you think will come to pass. I said **** it people do like me, and their will always be superficial pricks out there who want to put me down. From this day on i won't let them put me down, but most importantly i won't let me put myself down. The worst failure you can ever achieve is when you fail yourself. because you saw yourself walk up and stab you in the back but choose to do nothing about it.
I won't lie to you just because you have the mentality doesn't mean it will be easy, infant it won't. but tell me 1 great thing in this world that came easy. tell me something earned is not as good as something given to you. Tell yourself you have the commitment to get out there and have a conversation with someone you don't even know. challenge yourself every day to do something else that makes you feel awkward, because after a while you will have trouble with that task. you will have trouble finding a place where people don't like you or don't want to talk to you. That is what I'm always looking for.
You just need to relax and be polite just be yourself.