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I listen to music at night too, usually alone and I also break down in tears at random points for people who have died.

It never seems to get easy for me, because I refuse to let apathy take over. I know older people tend to shut off death at some point and to some extent, but while I'm young I want to be alive, so I carry those burdens I guess.

I lost a friend who was about 22, beautiful girl, full of life and just out of college. Died in a car accident, non-alcohol related. She died in the hands of a fireman, I still wish I knew her better. I can't reconcile why she died. She was innocent and had good intentions for her life, wanted to be a family counselor. I know I deserve to die, but I'm still here. I've even contemplated death on numerous occasions, still I persist. Why not me?

This is masochistic and I don't recommend it, I think most people just drink, but I try to honor the ones I lost with my life. I try to do better to somehow earn the unfair death that found them first.

This of course means that I spend a lot of time drinking, sobbing, with my guilt stricken head on the floor, but its a burden I allow myself to carry.

There are plenty of ways to cope and avoid the pain of loss, but how greater is it to honor the dead by mourning and striving to live to the fullest in their name. Just don't be jaded and apathetic, its one thing to lose a friend, its another thing to die with them.

From one Jack to another....Just by moving your mind forward. As in just making your mind stop dwelling on the past. Though thinking on the past can be good sometimes. Just keep plugging along and realize that when life happens...well that's life and always has been. Good things happen...and crap happens. Nobody likes it but..that's life.

look at it this way.. i have lost my whole family and a kid there were five of us siblings so i know a little about death. one : they were never yours to lose in the first place... Two: be grateful to have had them in your life & dont let their life here be remembered with negative thoughts in short dont let thiers lives on earth go in vain.

three: misery is a choice!! is is one of the most cursed tools i have obtained i cursed the lady who said that to me for days at first but in all reality it is the best tool she ever gave me.. MISERY IS A CHOICE...

Personally, I treat each person I care about as if I'll never see them again ... it reduces the amount of regret when they finally do pass and leaves me with a ton of pleasant memories.

But it's really all in what you choose to focus on ... apparently, you choose to focus on pitying yourself rather than celebrating the lives of your friends and passing on what you got out of your relationship with them with others.

You need to believe in something greater, and that you will eventually see all of your loved ones again in heaven. That's how you cope.

Time heals.

That's all I have/need to say.