I know it isn't a solution to any problems, but I can't stop thinking about suicide. I don't know why I think about it, and it scares me thinking that I might lose control and commit suicide.

I really think I am going insane. I sometimes lose control over myself and will start cussing and hitting things around me, or myself. Or I will randomly hit myself and not have control(can't think of the word for it) it. For example, I will be watching tv with my family, and all the sudden will start hitting myself. Sometimes after that I will start wishing I was dead for some reason.

Sometimes I also catch myself wishing I would just go deaf or something.

I also wonder if I do things without knowing. Like my brother is always saying I started the fight or whatever, or broke one of his things, and I will have no memory of it. I also feel guilty, like I am manipulating people, but just don't know I am.

Is something wrong with me?