How should I do this monologue?

OPERATOR:

Neverland 911, what’s the emergency? You are being

kidnapped by pirates? Can you be more specific?

Which pirate is kidnapping you? Well, if he’s limping

on a peg-leg then it’s probably Long John Silver,

but if he has a hook then it’s probably Captain—oh-

He’s got a hook and a pegleg? Oh dear. Please hold.

Neverland 911, what’s the emergency? Being harassed

by mermaids? How dreadful. Please hold. Neverland

911, how can I help you? Trapped in Skull Cave?

The tide is coming in? Oh my! Please hold. Neverland

911, what’s your problem? Your rowboat’s falling apart?

And you’re being attacked by a tick-tocking crocodile?

Oh you poor dear! Please hold. Neverland 911—Hey

Thumbelina! How you doin’ girl? He did?! Why, you

need to dump that Tom Thumb. Uh-huh? Uh-huh? No,

I’m not busy. You tell me all about it!

Serious, sarcastic, sincere, etc...?

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