How would you describe drowning... or hitting your head on something underwater, and becoming unconscious.
I feel like what I've written is horribly cliche, and I'm hoping you can give me a better idea or two.
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Most people mistakenly think of drowning as this very violent, hectic experience with a lot of thrashing and screaming. In reality, most people who drown go down very quietly, because their bodies are fighting for every last bit of air and so when they surface, they only have time to take a very short breath before going underwater.
Drowning people actually DON'T kick their legs or struggle; what they mostly try to do is roll onto their backs or very weakly try to push themselves out of the water with their arms and hands. Their bodies' #1 priority is breathing, so anything that even distracts from that is out of the question. They usually have glassy eyes and a blank stare if they're even open at all, and their mouths will definitely be at water level.
Basically, describe it as a complete, overpowering, horrific helplessness. The almost calm outer appearance (many kids actually drown in their backyards with adults around because adults don't know the accurate signs of drowning) is a complete contrast from the inner emotional and mental distress and turmoil. Your body is fighting for survival, but what it instinctively does actually can prevent you from letting lifeguards or other people know that you're in trouble. It's a VERY quick event, often 20-60 seconds before you go underwater, so don't drag it on for 3 pages.
The feeling of having trouble breathing while you're in water - it's terrifying to say the obvious. You might accidentally get down a giant gulpful of water while trying to breathe and end up choking and coughing, or get so disoriented that you breathe in water because you're unsure whether or not you're on the surface or underwater. "Breathing" in water is very painful. It BURNS, really. If you're ever gotten water up your nose while doing flip turns for swimming, multiply that by ten.
drowning: like trapped in another world where you cant breath or escape. trying to escape but the barriers that seem to surround you keep pushing you further and further down. you feel you lungs, aware that the last amount of air is escaping your lips and being replaced with icy cold water. thrashing inside an invisible prison, you can see the exit but no longer have the strength to to survive. the edges of reason become blurry and fear lurches in your stomach and death lurks around the corner. and the only thing you can think of before leaving the world is what you didn't do and the things that you will miss.
when you hit your head underwater, it is similar to drowning at first, then i could be like a splitting pain erupting through your head then nothing...
Katniss: Do you speak from experience?? Sounds like you've been there.
Anyways:
I struggled. That was mistake number one, I've heard you're not supposed to struggle but when you are actually *in* the situation, everything you learned about surviving dissolves from your brain.
As I kicked viciously through the water i felt an intense pain in the back of my head. At first I assumed it was from lack of oxygen but that theory faded when I saw my crimson red blood floating about in the water.
The last thing I remember before I slipped away was pain. Pain from three different sources: Pain from my head wound, pain from my paper dry lungs, and emotional pain. Everything was pain.
Thats what I would do :)
i would say something about the pain...most people who write about drowning make it sound almost pleasant. "i drifted off into the unconscious sleep" but it HURTS. your lungs feel really dry like they are going to burst. you just like want to die. you know how when you hold your breath underwater and finally surface for air, your lungs hurt? its worse than that.
if shes hitting her head, though, it might be different. maybe her head would hurt intstead.
goodluck!
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