Can anyone throw any light on this... My best pal Helen has a 16 year old daughter who has never had a boyfriend, but has always 'fancied' boys.. usually famous ones... and she never attracted boys because she was 13 stone (her words..) she is now 10 stone and 5 ft 8 and very attractive and many boys have asked her out, but she has refused them all, saying they are not good enough and are boring and immature...
Now, in June, she met some new pals at a concert who live out of the area, and she has gotten very attached to one guy - 3 years older - called Lee who lives 100 miles away. She has everything in common with him and he is kind and nice and buys her stuff and they meet once or twice a month and talk on the internet every day.
The problem is (if you regard it as issue,) that Lee is an FTM pre-op transexual... Male inside, but born female and with female genitalia and breasts still. Although Lee wears a breast restriction thing to hide his breasts.
Helen's daughter Anna is very tolerant and non bigoted and although not gay (she says,) she loves the gay community and all its people, and helen is the same and has happily accepted Lee whenever he has come to their home... and she knows Lee is trans.... However....Anna has now actually announced she is 'dating' Lee...and has been for several weeks...
Although Helen is highly tolerant, and would never treat anyone any different who is gay or trans or anything, she is quite distraught that her only child is entering into a relationship with a trans. She has told her that she can never get married;though Anna says she can when Lee becomes a full male.... (I am sure this is incorrect....) and she can never have children... Anna says 'we can adopt or get a sperm donor...' and she has an answer for everything...
Has anyone any experience of this, and how did they handle it? Helen said she feels like a hypocrite, as she has always been quite tolerant and accepting of gay and trans etc, but it's different when it's your daughter: (and your ONLY child,) in a relationship with a FTM trans...
She says she feels really upset as she doesn't think that her daughter will ever have a normal life if she stays with this Lee... but is it better to be with a trans that is a nice kind person, than a male born man who is a total loser or a jerk?
No nasty comments please... this is a genuine dilemma.
Update:Thanks Clone...but Helen hasn't voiced her views to Anna... and she has said (to her) that she is Ok with it, but has slight reservations, and Anna understands why. She would never reject her or push her away.. and isnt butting in.... as she knows if she did kick off, she could have anna running away or something.... but it is a hard thing for her to come to terms with. I think the vast majority of parents would be the same....
Update 3:See the thing is, is that people are saying 'I wouldn't care...' but it's not their 'only child' who it's happening to.... that is why I was hoping that someone who has the experience of this could advise... either the parent or the child and the trans partner themself.
Update 5:Chaostheory.... thanks for your kind words too... and that link is majorly useful; i will email it to Helen.... She is a nice person and has always been very accepting of everyone and says she feels bad and everything, but yes, she is shocked by this....
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
I think your friend is suffering from shock more than anything else.
Her daughter is with a FtM trans. That will always cause them some confusion. It does not make her a hypocrite, it makes her human. She will grow to accept that Lee and her daughter are in a relationship.
I did a bit of research, and transgender people can legally marry the opposite sex after they get a Gender Recognition Certificate. Until they have that they are still considered the sex that is on their birth certificate.
How lengthy do you each consider that you'll reside this manner and be pleased doing it. That is why it's such a lot higher to reside within the gentle than to cover within the darkness. This is your existence, that is your husbands existence and also you each need to reside fortunately in combination. You each ought to take a seat down and speak to at least one yet another approximately whether or not or now not you will have to come utterly out of the closet in your colleagues and your husband out to the general public. Believe me if you happen to hold to take a look at to hide this from each events, anybody ultimately will discover out. And would it not be so much higher if it got here from both you or your husband than from a stranger? Go to a PFLAG assembly for your vicinity and speak to them approximately it and notice what variety of reaction you get from them. Both you and your husband. Sure you're going to discover accepting and loving corporation at a PFLAG assembly however it can be the spice up you ought to then inform your colleagues and discover out a few choices on easy methods to process this. Good Luck to you and your husband.
I wouldn't care. if she loves him then why would I get upset about it. And they can get married in many places once they're both of legal age to get married (which I think is 18 most places), and after his operation they can get married. But marriage isn't that big a deal and they can adopt (there are tons of kids needing to be adopted) and they could get a sperm donor. i've also read that they're trying to make it so that they can use a womans eggs to impregnate another woman.
Besides, if he was physically and mentally a male, why wouldn't he be able to?
When Lee transitions fully he will be able to marry just like any other man. This is fine....she knows him as Lee, who he wants to be (and become more fully) and it will be ok. Tell Mamma to chill...they can figure this out without her help. Good Luck