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It's true, what we see in the mirror isn't reality, it's how we feel about ourselves. You're right, you just can't start to feel better. Our worst critics are usually ourselves. You probably repeat what your parents or others have said to you over and over again in your head. You need to try to stop this reinforcement. When you catch yourself doing it try to redirect your thoughts to something you know you're good at or something nice someone has said to you.

What's even more important though is for you to take care of yourself. You can't think yourself into a new life, you have to act. Do things you know are good for yourself. Stay in shape, get good grades, work on your career, learn a second language, things like that. Make sure you're doing something very good for yourself on a daily basis. Don't try to get your affirmation from a relationship. Build up yourself first and other people will naturally be attracted to you.

During our early lives we have formative experiences. Through formative experiences, in a social context, we learn who we are. We then form a blueprint of our own qualities by adopting how other people respond to us socially as our own core beliefs. This blueprint prompts assumptions about ourselves, the world and other people. This influences our conscious, moment-by-moment, thinking. Therefore, if people treated me well during formative early experiences I would have positive core beliefs and think good things about myself, the world and other people. Excepting accident and trauma, I would probably be a happy person for the majority of the time. Likewise, if I was treated poorly I would have poor core beliefs. I would probably have bad thoughts about myself, the world and other people and be more prone to being unhappy.

How then can we change how we think and feel? We can examine our thoughts and feelings to see what is in response to real things in our lives, then question if how we feel is proportionate to what is happening. For example, my mother dies and I feel distraught. This is probably an appropriate response. However, if my friend does not return my phone call and I cry and hate my-self there is probably another reason for my response.

It is important to make the real, practical, changes where possible and appropriate. When change is not possible or appropriate, do not attribute the problem to a personality flaw. Be objective and connect cause to effect without inappropriate blame.

At times of disproportionate emotional response, ask these questions:

what statements am I making about my-self?

when did I first hear these statements?

are they true?

what is the evidence to support these statements?

what are the alternative ways to understand my performance in this situation?

If it seems that the unhelpful statements were first made by another person and have now been adopted ask:

is the person's opinion of value?

would I take their advice in other important matters, for example relationship or financial advice?

If it seems that the present beliefs are incorrect then ask:

what would be a more accurate belief?

If the new belief is both accurate and helpful find evidence to support it. Habits of thought can be difficult to break initially. However, as with the breaking of any habit and the creation of a new one, things get easier with time and effort.

if possible you could live with a friend or another family member outside of your home. To get away from your parents as there seems to be mental abuse on their side

This will help you.. :)

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