Think back to when you were a child. Looking in the toy isle at the local store was a high priority. As you arrived home, you would count and recount your money to see if you had enough for that special toy. When you finally had enough coins, you demanded your parents to take you to the store. The cycle repeated and the next time the want for something bigger and better was present, and patience seemed to have slipped out of the window. Occasionally, your loving parents would chip in a dollar or two so that you could get that marvelous toy promptly. The generosity shown by your parents was similar to that of a boy named Paul from the “Rocking-Horse Winner.” In “Rocking-Horse Winner” the theme regards how generosity only lasts as long greed will let it, which is based upon the plot, conflict, and characterization.
Okay, so pretty much I want to know if it's acceptable to use "you" in an intro or pretty much anything, and if that intro sounds all right.
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Verified answer
Hrmmm... Most grader's do not like to see the generality "you". But if it's a persuasive essay (which it slightly sounds like) , or if you are making an anecdote (which you are) it alright. Perhaps you could think of a more specific term, like in a book or movie. Also, i think we should cut out some of the beginning part that's irrelevant to the theme or generosity. Try elaborating how you FELT when your parents were generous towards you.
Later, you state that "generosity only lasts as long as greed will let it" So we have to make this parallel with the anecdote. Say something about what happens when we ask too much from our parents. You can try to make it funny too, try to speak with the reader.
In your thesis, you say that the theme is based on the plot, conflict, and characterization. How so? Your thesis needs to be specific, and try to give specific examples on plot, conflict and characterization.
Hope these tips help
A great way to write is to be passionate about what you're writing; if you're passionate about what you're writing, your thesis statement should be the the burden you're trying to unload ("I contend that...). Not something that the reader says, "Huh, interesting" to, but something that reaches out, grabs the reader by the throat and drags them in. Beginning your intro with an appropriate quote is often pretty sweet. A personal favorite of mine is to paint a picture in the reader's mind ("Imagine a room; a room so full of debris and refuse..."). If nothing comes at first, go play basketball or something to get your mind off it (unless this is due the next day, then stare at the blank page panicking). Simply lay everything out there -- give the audience the full piece of wood, not just a splinter. Tell them your opinion, and if they don't like it they can jump in a lake -- your body paragraphs are supporting your intro.
No. You should never use "you" as if you're referring to the audience. Besides that, the intro is great.