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Well...you have a number of options, really....I'll list the top 10

Option 1:

Blame it on the person nearest to you. This works best when blaming small children because they're not as credible.

Option 2:

Blame it on the seating. "Geeee.....these leather seats SURE are NOISY" -wink wink- Just hope that you're not a) sitting on a wooden or metal chair or b) standing up

Option 3:

Slowly sidestep out of the "zone" that you farted in.

Option 4:

Pretend that the person who smelled or heard it is crazy. "I didn't fart. You're hallucinating."

Option 5:

The classic "Whoever smelt it dealt it" line. We're all really 7 years old in our hearts anyway....

Option 6:

Come up with a freak explanation for why the noise occurred. "It was a sonic boom"

Option 7:

Blame it on an animal. "It was the dog" is classic. You can get creative with it, though. "It was that passing squirrel" will work just as well. Would the guy standing next to you REALLY know how squirrel flatulence works? No, I think not.

Option 8:

Confuse the person next to you by coming up with random excuses as to who did it. (also see "blame it on somebody else.") ie: "It was the letter E" or "Francis Scott Key did it."

Option 9:

Pretend to be so utterly disgusted that nobody will suspect it's you. "Oh dear LORD guys do you smell that?! That is so DISGUSTING. Why?! WHY WOULD SOMEBODY DO THAT?!"

Option 10:

Let it out as slowly and quietly as you can while disguising it with other noises. I won't get too into it, but this is why you should always carry an air horn and one of those wooden whistles that mimic the sound of a choo choo train.

Ask the person next to you "was that you?" what ever you do don't turn around and walk back in to it. But act as if you did just walk through it and say dang that stunk or something like that. Unless it smells like heaven and its not then own up to it. Also say the fart poem "a fart is a chemical substance it comes from a place called bum it penetrates through the trousers and lands with a musical hum. Tis fart Tis Fart for it gives the body ease it warms the blankets on cold winter nights and suffocates all the flea's

what ever you do don't turn around and walk back in to it. But act as if you did just walk through it and say dang that stunk or something like that. Unless it smells like heaven and its not then own up to it. Also say the fart poem "a fart is a chemical substance it comes from a place called bum it penetrates through the trousers and lands with a musical hum. Tis fart Tis Fart for it gives the body ease it warms the blankets on cold winter nights and suffocates all the flea's

I allow things to happen organically as recognition of the smelly event smacks people in the nose. The trick is to, at first, appear oblivious and then to be the second or third person to react audibly and then slowly moving with some of the public as if in an effort to get away from the smell. If there are enough people, no one will be sure who did it. If there is only a few people and/or the fart was audible, I immediately excuse myself and move away to a safe distance.

Farting In Public

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How do you cover up a fart in public?

Welcome to Episode 15! Only 2 more episodes to go. You’re out in a public place and you accidently let one out. Yep, you just farted. What do you do? Do you admit it? Do you run away? Tell us what you would do in this situation...

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The question should be to the people around the fart-er. How should you react to a fart from someone else? I say we ignore it and move on. Giggling and being disgruntled is not acceptable. Fart happens.

If I'm in a crowded store I sniff the air and make a disgusting face and look at someone accusingly.

If I'm on the street I walk away very fast and act as if nothing happened.

If I am at home and have company I just say excuse me.

If I am at a friends house I cough very loudly but alas it usually doesn't work so I say, "Oh I'm so embarrassed" and they usually respond "Oh that's O.K. this happens to everyone.

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Let it out as slowly and quietly as you can while disguising it with other noises. I won't get too into it, but this is why you should always carry an air horn and one of those wooden whistles that mimic the sound of a choo choo train.