I am 22 and my husband is 26. we have been together roughly 5 years and married nearly 3. Be both have decent jobs and our own place. I got pregnant about 2 years ago and lost the baby at 12 weeks along. since then we have been trying for another baby. and have spent a year doing nonstop fertility treatments with no luck. We feel an emptiness, and feel that fostering is our calling. We want to help kids, and at the same time, help ourselves in a way. As we would enjoy it and it would occupy us. We are extremely excited and feel it is a great thing to do. however our families seem to not be very fond of the idea. They say things like " does this mean we wont get any real grand kids" and things like "you are way to young to do this, focus on your own family before focusing on a child you know nothing about" I have made it clear that we will NEVER give up on trying for a biological child. and I have explained the financial and emotional tole that it takes on us, and that we simply want a break from trying right now and want to focus on fostering for the moment. It just really upsets me that we feel alone in this process and I wish our family would understand, because we need support! They also do not like the idea that we wish to adopt in the future.
I guess my question is, what do I do about it? :(
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I hate parents (the grand parents tobe) sometimes who think they have control over their adult married child's proceative plans.
I say go ahead with fostering and if you feel it the right time, the adoptive processes right now. If you adopt, trust me, your parents will turn around and change their minds on what they believe is a real grand child, especially if the child is an infant or under five (if transitioned from fostering) when you adopt them. There are many cases in which foster children turn into adoptive children, which makes them your family, genetic or not, young children and teenagers alike. This is not a guarantee, most foster kids are temporary, and fostering a child does not necessarily give you dibs on their adoption, but will still be a very rewarding experience for your family.
However, their feelings of the true foster kids may never change, but don't let that stop you from taking them in. They naturally fear that foster children will be a saddening experience (since they aren't permanent or have behavioral issues) so maybe a part of that is actually compassion, guised by arrogance. Being a foster parent is just as important (if not more) for the child as it will be for you in your desire to be parents.
In the meantime, keep trying for your "own", without fertility the old fashioned way, you'd be surprised at how often I saw women get pregnant right about the same time they were notified of being chosen as adoptive parents.
And if I am wrong, and they don't accept your adoptive children as real grandkids, let them know it is their choice (and don't be afraid to really let them know what you feel about them for it) but that adoptive is their only choice for grandkids. Kindly remind them you did try, and that these children are yours, there is more to being a parent than paternity.
Good luck and thank you for be willing to foster!!!
You may find that having foster kids will help you relax and help you get pregnant. A lot of women fall pregnant soon after having adopted a child, eventhough they believed all along that they were infertile.
Yes, blood is stronger than water and I can understand your parents and in-laws. However, it is your life, not theirs.
Anyway, you can always give the foster kids back into the system.
You and your husband are the ones that have to make this decision. What really concerns me is that your family would think that foster/adopted child would not be their real grand kids. That is a very sad comment. You do need support, but you may have to get it outside your family. My husband's family, when we chose to adopt was not happy at all- they insulted me in the process because I am adopted too- but were very happy when we were able to adopt our 2 children, who are now young adults, and our daughter has a baby of her own now. What do you do about it? Do what your heart leads you to do.
TELL THEM TO BACK OFF. Your 22!! You dont have to rush things so soon!! Most people in my family dont have kids till theyre 30! And my Aunt just had her 5th kid at age 42! Thats 20 yeard away from you! (Her kid Micha didn't have any problems... so its ok) So tell them to hop off
Oh plusa thats down right rude for them to say that to the foster kids there are a lot of foster kids but not ebough homes and if you want to take in some kids thats your business. If you want to, adopt a kid. It doesnt matter what order you go on.
I know the feeling I started fostering at the age 22 and no one in my "blood family" stood behind me. I did it with the support of close friends and I am on year 5 of doing foster care. I have two wonderful adopted children and at this moment two foster children and long term custody of two other. We have a full house but we love it.
Draw a hard line. Say: If you can't embrace these needy kids with love and respect - you won't be seeing us. These kids ARE real. These kids will be "ours" for as long as we have them in our home and our hearts.
Don't like it - don't expect to see that much of us anymore.
Grow up.
You're about to be parents. You can't be so dependent on your parents approval at this stage in the game.