I am sorry you're fighting this inner battle. It's a wonderful thing that you lost the weight (i did the same thing), but no it doesn't change our lives completely. You ARE healthier, and this is beneficial.

If you haven't considered some therapy, do it. You know, the relatives who abused you emotionally and physically have huge issues. Their comments and mean behavior wasn't about you, it was about THEM and their own personal misery. You just happened to be there and were victimized. It's very true. People who are cruel to others and do not respect other people are a bit emotionally sick themselves.

I was raised in an abusive environment too. I struggled with being put down, feeling not good enough because i was convinced as a child that i wasn't. This wasn't true, and it's not true of you, either. However, when we hear negatives over and over, we tend to attach the negatives to ourselves, and it can be a huge battle later in life.

You could do some research online for self-esteem self-help, but i'm still suggesting therapy with a counselor who is experienced in helping clients who have been emotionally abused. Emotional abuse is the worst! If i had to choose between that and physical abuse, i'd let someone beat the hell out of me.

You can improve your life. I did. I still struggle from time to time, but i am productive and confident with what i do right now.

sending hugs and best wishes.

Best place to start is by making friends with lots of people. Start by joining any sports group from bowling to baseball.

Try new hair styles and apply make up differently. Go from bizarre to sedate.

Take yourself to a nice restaurant for dinner alone. Sounds strange doesn't it? It works and will do wonders for you. Once you've done it you'll see why. Bring a book or newspaper with a briefcase if it makes you feel better. One day you won't go that far because you won't need it.

Go on a vacation by yourself. I went to Las Vegas myself and had a blast.

The only one who can get you out of this rut is you and once you get going, you'll wonder why it took you so long.

I was just like you, but it was a long time ago.....16 years to be exact. Time has flown by since then and it started when I took myself out to a nice steak house. The changes started then, gently progressed for a few weeks and went in fast forward within a month. I am beautiful, self confident and have many supportive friends today. Print this out and hear what you will be saying about yourself in a few short months from today.

Start by showing yourself some compassion.

Understand that it is not going to happen overnight and it is continuous work of progress.

For every negative thought you have about yourself, have a positive thought to replace it.

Start doing things that make you feel great about yourself (for example yoga or any hobby).

Take care of yourself (Sleep and eat well/ Exercise)

Read a lot of self improvement books and articles

Write in a journal to express your feelings

Understand that you are not perfect and it is okay because it is part of the beauty of being human :)

Best of luck!