Where do i begin?
Well i think my brothers a cross dresser, all the clues are there ....
about a week ago, my dad called, he asked to speak to my brother so i took the phone upstairs to him. i went into his room to find him hiding under the covers in the dark. when he put his hand out to get the phone i could of sworn he had pink nail varnish on.
a couple of days later i couldnt find my dress anywhere. i went into his room and found my pink nail varnish! the door of his cupbourd was open i saw the edge of the dress, i opened the other door to get it out and there where 2 of my dresses 2 of my belts loads of my tights and other tights that didnt belong to me! a wig a pair of heels and MY underwear!
i told my mum and she asked him not to borrow my stuff without asking. she didnt know what more to say!
then last night i went to bed. i heard someone creeping around outside my door. i opened it and my brother ran in his room before i saw him. in the morning my mum found my dress on the floor in the hallway opposite the mirror with the zip undone. i hadnt touched it and id left it on the hanger.
me and my mum dont know how to approach him and ask about it because we dont actually know whats going on. we are going to have to say something soon because my clothes are getting stretched my underwear is going missing and my shoes are dissapearing. we dont know what to say. we will love him no matter what , we just wish he had enough trust in us to tell us!
do we say anything to him? if so wat?
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
NO, DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM RIGHT NOW. Your obviously a caring sister, and be it a brother or sister walking off with your clothes its going to annoy you, but just for a short while, just grit your teeth and along with Mum work out the best thing to do as of now.
Please make sure you show your Mum my response, I guess in a way I am talking to your Mum more so really. I am only telling you my opinion I am not a professional at all, just a Mum and Grandmother myself there for I only gained wisdom and knowledge from having been around a bit longer, but I have always been interested in how to sort situations out both fairly on all sides, so I hope at least I will give you some food for thought !!
I would be inclined to leave Dad out of it at the moment too - men can be very macho about their boys, so until you have found out a lot more about crossing dresser, you and your daughter take the lead at this moment in time. Study up via the internet or books about people who like to cross dress, and remember this does not mean that your son is going to become gay.It may seem that way to you right now, and were it a daughter cross dressing I would I feel be inclined to think that she was butch, but with guys it can be different and never lead onto anything more than their Feminine side to them loves the feeling of soft silky clothes next to their skin.
Or it could be the first signs that he may turn out to think that he should have been born a girl. If that were the case though, I feel sure you'd have seen signs of that from childhood. Over sensitive, wanting to play with girls toys, or always be around girls rather than boys from a very early age.
Whatever it is, he's your son and you love him, so please look into all the aspects of what it may be. Hopefully its the first, that he just has a fancy into the feel of silk or soft clothes next to his skin.
But at this stage shouting or arguing with him will drive you all further apart. And at this stage should the father be aware of it, too many masculine feelings would come into it and just drive the boy deeper and deeper inside himself. Obviously your husband will know at some time, but right now its best you and your daughter seek out help.
So my advice is to find out as much as you can about cross dressing, coming out, or even them saying they think they should have been born a girl. and then when your armed with the knowledge of how it is for him, then you (the Mother) sit and talk to your son about how he is feeling. Tell him that you understand more than he thinks you do, and repeat some of the knowledge you have read up on, you need to be gaining his trust, not making him feel shame, the poor boy was born like this, which is no body's thoughts, so don't go start blaming yourself. You really must gain his trust so that he will really open up and tell you everything. Then would be the time to bring in the Father, but again you may well have to re-educate your husband so that he does not explode and undo all the good that you have done.
Hopefully its just going to be cross dressing and a temporary teenage thing, rather than anything more serious. But once you have found out what it is, and the lad knows that your still loving him and accepting the way that he is, he has got to respect that he must not take his sisters clothes. Yes and lay down rules that he must only do this in the privacy of his own room if that is how you feel. Christmas is coming up shortly, so why not buy him some silken men's pants.
Once you have read up on what it may be, you yourself may feel that you need to contact a professional for this is going to be a shock to you, and your mind may well need to know much more, I think that is how I would feel.
I wish you luck and yes its an ordeal, but you will come through this all as a loving and close family that you already are. You have a daughter that is worried just like you are, so at least you have another female close to feel supported by. I send you another mothers care and understanding and know that right now, your worried sick and are going through hell. But you will find your way through, I am pretty sure of that.
Do not assume that he is gay. Do not assume that he is a transsexual.
Most likely he is a compulsive cross-dresser. He may feel as if he needs to cross-dress, but he can't explain why he feels this way. He is confused, and feels shame and guilt.
Cross-dressing is a fairly common fetish. His brain is hard-wired to release dopamine and other neurotransmitters when he feminizes himself. These neurotransmitters produce sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and self-identity. They affect the reward centers of his brain, so it mimics the addiction response. He can't stop. He can't stop his brain from releasing neurotransmitters, and he feels he needs to cross-dress.
All fetishes are about the dopamine not the clothes. His body is only using cross-dressing to keep the flow of dopamine running on high. If he just wears the same thing over and over, then the brain will get tired of this and release less and less dopamine, so the needs to continually push the envelope of cross-dressing (doing more and more feminine stuff) to pump up the dopamine levels.
Most men with this condition consider it a problem. They are heterosexuals and they want to date girls, have a girlfriend and get married someday. So they limit their cross-dressing and keep it private, very private.
Some problems you may identify with cross-dressers: (1) they avoid social time to spend time alone, indulging their fetish, (2) they use cross-dressing in place of developing intimate relationships, (3) they have a low self-esteem, (4) they have poor social skills, (5) they claim to have problems meeting and dating girls, and (6) they feel as if they are the only person with this problem. They are normally loners.
Have a meeting with your brother and mom. Explain what's going on. Set down the rules. Your brother will probably feel shame and guilt and express his desire never to cross-dress again.. That is nice, but it just isn't going to work. You'd be better off identifying 3-4 articles of clothing that he is allowed to wear on a limited basis. He should not be allowed to wear your clothes, or your mom's clothes, or get any other clothes. Of course this will result in slowing the brain's release of dopamine.
Also, he should be encouraged to develop his social skills and his self-esteem. I would recommend that he take up a sport, or just work out to develop some muscle tone. He should also develop skills he can use in a social environment. Learn how to play the guitar. Learn how to dance, really well. Learn how to tell jokes. He should party more, date girls. Date girls that never get asked out on dates, just to develop his social skills. There's a lot more that can be done. Just don't treat him like a freak. He is a normal, healthy, intelligent, heterosexual man with one little kink, hard-wired into his brain.
Your mother should wait in his room with a dress laying on the bed next to her. Have him sit down. He will feel safer in his room and more likely to share.
All she has to do is calmly ask if he is ready to talk yet.
I seriously doubt he truly understands what is up. Most likely he is very ashamed of himself. You have to go at his pace. The urge to put words in his mouth is going to be strong. Resist it at all costs. The more you let him speak about it and more the conversation at his pace the better the outcome will be.
Your just going to have to learn how to share your things with your brother, till he can get his own Girlie things!
Your brother is a Transvestite/Cross dresser!
Only he can answer this question for you