My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. About 2 yrs ago we started having money troubles. He worked at the bank we banked at so I had no control over anything. He finally came to me a year ago and told me he had been hooked on Lortab. He said his job was so stressful that it seemed to take the edge off. I had my suspicions this whole time this was going on. He told me he would never take it again. That he realized he was hurting me and his self and that it had financially drained us. Now we are looking at bankrupsy due to all the title loans and payday loans he used to supplement our income that was lost when he was buying Lortab. He also owes his mom and dad because they have gave him money to catch up our house payment. Here latley all he wants to do is stay home and play his xbox. That is it. He has been so depressed over money. Today I found pills in his game room. These are not Lortab. I am not sure what they are. He says he is not doing anything anymore but I have them right in front of me. Also we have not had sex in three weeks. That is not normal. What is the problem. I am dealing with alot but I still want to have sex and I sure don't have to result to using drugs when I get stressed or depressed. What am I supposed to do. He always treats me great with lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you". We have had several set down discussions about this and every time he says he is sorry and that doesn't want to hurt me and that I deserve so much better. Well damnit give me better! what am I to do???
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
First of all, don't listen to anyone who's giving you the quick and pat answers of "leave him" and/or "he's cheating on you". I've found advice like that usually comes from people who aren't in your shoes, and haven't dealt with a loved one who is going through depression. The truth is, it is very real, and when a man is a failure financially he feels like a failure as a man. I knew a very now-sucessful man who would have bouts of depression years ago, and come home and watch kids TV shows. Your husband needs counseling and perhaps rehab.
Marriage is for better or worse, and depression is no different than having cancer or any other sickness. It can be treated, and it can be managed. Please don't give up on him...unless he doesn't want to help himself.
Rachel, I am sorry you are going through this. Its been a tough travel for my husb and I also. He also has his addictions and I am going through a mental breakdown because I don't know what to do. Do you go to counseling? That really helps because you can talk about how you really feel uncensored. Also there are places that are supportive for loved once of drug abusers. I would look up some groups on-line if you cant get out to meetings or to talk to someone. This is a really hard thing to deal with and the answers have to come from inside you or you cant own the mindset to make the changes. If you want to help, try to understand whats really going on inside of your husband, than you can help him in small steps to get on better ground. And as far as asking or checking if you is on drugs, he wont tell you most likely. Its denial.
Well, you know, I'm sorry but you have to leave until he is sober for at least one entire year, and support him as a friend during the interim. Tough love, baby!
A wise man who was a recovering alcoholic himself, once told me to leave my alcoholic boyfriend, whom i was living with, and just be friends until the boyfriend was sober for an entire year. Best advice I ever took because the boyfriend was never able to stay sober for a whole year, but we stayed friends for thirty years. Meanwhile I had moved on and lived the life I deserved, husband, child, happy, etc. Had I married him or stayed living with him I would have just been wasting my life. The guy still drinks today and is really disgusting when he is drinking. Most days he drinks a 12 pack. I talk to him about once a year when he is sober.
He seems to want his cake and eat it too. he doesn't want to lose you or his drug addiction which is exactly what it is. See if you can talk him into rehab, and work on your relationship he seems very depressed and we all know what can happen when people get depressed. Try to get him some help, from what you said he seems like a good person.
leave him. he is lying and possibly cheating on you. take the pill to a local pharmacy. they should be able to tell you what it is.
can you get marriage counseling
leave him