Marriage Ultimatum- Do I ?
I've read MANY responses to OTHER people's blogs about Marriage Ultimatum's, but I want answers for my situation.
After a two year relationship with my boyfriend I am Almost sure I am willing to let go.
Basically I was legally married to my son's father, but we had been separated for years and I met my boyfriend and started dating. At first I didn't really want a relationship because I was still not divorced and I was trying get things in my life sorted out before I started something new, but it did not happen that way. My boyfriend told me that he wanted me to get divorced and he would like to marry me. How does that turn from me getting divorced and nothing happening?? Now suddenly he feels I'm a single mother and I ONLY want us to get married because of Financial security!!! LIKE ARE YOU kidding me!! This really hurts me!!! I don't want to FORCE HIM to marry me that should be something HE wants, but if he is confused, and if that is what I want otherwise I don't want our unstable relationship anymore is this BAD? HE kinda smelled an ultimatum coming along, and told me he doesn't do well with Ultimatum's ... But I really think I will have no choice but to let him know that if I don't even have a promise ring or a hope of a REAL commitment from him within 4-6 months I do not want to continue our relationship! He wants to just keep dating........ and All on his TERMS!!! Wants in it for me?? I do not think it is bad to want stability and commitment in a relationship.
Any Advice??
How Should I lay it on him??
I want him to understand it is not about me wanting him to TAKE care of me because I am desperate, as he SAYS!!
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
For this sort of thing it takes a lot of soul searching coming to a conclusion on your own. Even if friends/family disagree it has to be something you can live with and accept.
If you do want to give him an ultimatum, that's fine. Take the time to plan/write out what your going to say to him. If marriage is a deal breaker then let him know, take the time to explain what it means and don't let him interrupt you. He has to respect your need to communicate your feelings to him. Give him time to process what you told him, a week should be enough. Any more and you might pull back your ultimatum or he might try to sway your decision. If he can't accept it then hold to your ultimatum and break up with him. I can't stress how important this is. If you stay with him then it's enabling him to not marry you. It will hurt and you'll probably feel like you've made the wrong decision but if he's not going to fulfill what's important to you then why be with him? If marriage isn't that important for him then respect his decision, he has a right to it even if you disagree.
On the other hand, if being with him is more important than a ring then your going to have to accept that marriage isn't as high on the priority list for him and don't push it on him in a year down the road.
Once you have made the decision, stick to it, don't be wishy washy. Good luck and keep your chin up.
The first thing you need to do, if you haven't already, is to figure out why he is not willing or ready to get married. With many it is a deep seeded family issue. Their parents were divorced, or in a very unhappy marriage, or there was abuse. Figure this out. Be understanding and compassionate no matter what his issue with marriage is. Let him know you understand his feelings. The second thing you must do is figure out whether or not this is a long term thing, meaning he's never going to get married, or if it's him being scared. Is this just going to be for a year, a couple years, ten years or is he never going to get married. Last, assure him that marriage with you is going to enhance the relationship. It's going to make it better and last forever. Make him feel comfortable about the idea of getting married. It's probably not you. It's just a lot for many men and women to take on. It's a big deal. Just make sure marriage is what is best for both of you. If he's not getting married and that's a huge problem for you, you're probably going to eventually find someone else who is willing to commit to marriage. Again, it's probably not a commitment problem if you've been together for two years though. It's probably just his feelings on the label that marriage has been put in. Best of luck! Love, Taryn Ashley Lorelei
Ultimatums are not fair in any relationship, for any reason. And do you really want a forced proposal even if he does cave into your manipulations?
If what you have isn't enough to make you want to stay without a forced proposal, then I say leave and don't even bother with the talk. You can't change who he is, or what he wants in life to suit you. If you're not happy with who he is or what he wants in life then it's time to move on.
Break up with him. Don't call him, hang up when he calls you. This is not an ultimatum this is a consequence of his actions.
When I broke up with my boyfriend of many years he finally realized that he loved and missed me. We have been married for 9 years now.
If he doesn't come around at least you won't have wasted your life waiting for him.
You should also get child support from your ex.
Well, why do you want to be married ? Are you relgious ? Are you every sunday at church ? Thought so.
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