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I have been estranged from my father for over 25 years. During this time I've gotten married and divorced and he had a child. I met the child when he was 3 months old and now he's around 25.

When I got married my mother sent my father an invitation and also sent him the newspaper article. He sent a gift and signed it with his first name. There was NEVER a desire to have him give me away. My mother gave me away at my wedding but I could have just as easily walked myself down the aisle or had a stepfather do the deed.

When my half brother turned 21 I contacted my father about meeting him. My father passed on the information to my half brother and he has called me once and left a message with no callback number.

I think the only answer to this situation can come from you and your father. You both have to want to talk to each other to do it. If it is an unfortunate situation where you would like to talk to him but he is not interested in talking to you then you just have to deal with it and move on. I have tried to do this in my life but it has definitely been hard.

Bottom line, the person who does not want to have a relationship has the power here. You can't force anyone to do what they don't want to do.

Edit: Just read your additional comments. I think you're in the same situation I was in. The sooner that you realize he's not healthy for you the better. Just move on. If you need a father figure in your life then try to find a family member or a close friend.

I guess it would depend on the reason you are estranged from your Dad. If he beat you or attempted to have sex with you, leave him alone. If it is some kind of dispute over him cheating on your Mom or something along those lines, I would take the time this year to send him a Christmas Card. Maybe that would be the beginning to starting a relationship. Right now you don't know if he is very sad you aren't in his life or he doesn't care. Send the card and open the door for him to respond.

I do not know why you are estranged from your father...but sometimes it happens. I never knew my father all my life. He left us when I was two. I always knew where he was.....I am not one to beg....he never sent me a letter, a BD card or a Christmas Card.....okay....When he was dying he was to have said, "My kids don't care about me." Well, duh. Relationships go both ways. I would say, "Go with your heart." If you want to try to establish with him....do it. Remember, you can Choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives. And also remember, it is not your fault. You can have a happy life and a great family life without begging some relatives to be your friend or be close to you......take care. I just saw your edit to your question. I am so sorry. CULTURES.......ugh.......I see it is a culture issue....that is very tough. They have been raised a certain way.....doubt you can change it.......stay away......I would say........We are not of that culture.....we have two beautiful DAUGHTERS......who are 35 and 39......and they are the LOVES of our life. You need to move on, baby girl, and realize that it is just probably how he was raised. I wish you Peace and Understanding..............

It depends on why you're estranged from him. I didn't talk to my father for 4 years. We just started talking this past summer. If he's tried to contact you but you haven't returned his calls then I think you should let him know. If not talking to you is his choice, as it was for me, then I wouldn't tell him. If he wonders or cares, he'll ask

dont even bother with him. Your situation with your father is much more harsh then mine, and i am not talking to my father right now either.

My father has a problem acting like an adult, and didnt feel the need to spend my whole wedding day with me. He came to walk me down the isle and then left..... He never told me i looked nice, never said he loved me, and didnt even congradulate us.. It was very depressing. It was like walking me down the isle was just another job he had to do, not something he wanted to do. Then he didnt bother to tell me until the last minute that he wasnt coming to dinner or dance with me.... I am very fortunate that i have a huge loving caring family and new husband that was there for me, because i didnt let it ruin my day.

In your case i wouldnt even bother, because in then end he may just end up disappointing you again and again.....

i'm estranged not only from my biological father,but from my maternal grandparents and one of my aunts just because of the despicable lies they told.i've cut them from my life so completely that if they died,i would not shed a tear b/c of the horrible things they've done to me

My son and his father were estranged for over 16 years. when his father was dying they reconciled their differences. My son still has regrets about some of the time they didn't speak, but he is grateful for the time they did have.

I would let him know if anything big happens in your life, but do it in a way that will not be painful to you. Write him a letter (or email), but don't talk or go to his house.

I haven't seen or heard from my father in about 10 years. He said he didn't me.