This is the situation I have gotten myself into. A week before the shower was given myself and the other bridesmaids met up to discuss the plans for the bridal shower. The event was being held at the bride's aunts home, so we were just trying to figure out who was going to do what. So we split up who was going to make and get the different foods that we were going to have. ( I will admit that my share was not completely fair, but nothing was said about that) I agreed that I would make certain things that said they wanted, and the other girls did the same. Then we were talking about alcohol and it was decided that we would go with the place that I suggested we buy it from because they were the best price around. I agreed to stop and pick up the alcohol, because I knew where I was going. I was asked if I needed the money for the alcohol before I got it or after (now this is two days before the shower) I agreed that it was fine to collect the money on the day of the shower. Now the other girls got what they agreed to get, including decorations (no one asked me to stop and get any decorations) So when it came time to collect the money for the alcohol they basically told me that they spent more then me on food and decorations and refused to give me any money for the alcohol that I stopped to get for them. Now I am completely strapped for money, because I spent much much more then anticipated on this shower. I have tried to resolve this with the MOH, who in turn told me that the girls were going to get together all of the money that was spent total on the shower (including food they agreed to buy a week before) and we would go from there. My stance is that I am more then willing to put up my share of what was spent on the DECORATIONS, but the food was split already. I do not think that because they spent more money of food then I did that I should now get stuck with the alcohol bill. I think that they are two completely different entities and if they did not want to buy something that was more expensive that they shouldn't have offered to get these items. I do not want to have to go to the bride for her to resolve this issue with her friends but I do not know what to do at this point. Am I wrong or right?
Answers & Comments
Yeah don't go to the bride but at the same time you can't make anyone give or do anything. You shouldn't have volunteered to get the alcohol without the money. They should of gave the money up front and that is that. What should of happened was everyone should of just paid for certain things and not the way it was done. That is chaotic. But a lesson was indeed learn. And next time money first! You may just have to take the lost or if the shower hasn't gone through yet. Don't buy the liquor. And that is that.
Being part of a wedding doesn't obligate you to spend more than you have. The wedding party isn't obligated to spend equally, the same way that the gifts given to the bride and groom are not the same value from all the guests.
Everyone shoudl have reviewed costs up front, and everyone should have been honest about what they were able to contribute.
That being said, it isn't wrong to bring up that everyone offered to help pay for the alcohol and then backed out. They made a promise and went back on it. If they felt the costs weren't fair, it should have been brought up before anything was purchased.
You definitely don't want to bring this to the bride's attention.
Hard lesson learned: Stop volunteering to pick up big ticket items unless you have other people's money in your hand.
But that doesn't help now. I would make copies of all of my receipts on one page if possible. I would hand write beside each expense what it was for. I would then copy that page and give one of the copies of the MOH. You always need to keep a copy for your records until this gets settled. (MOH might misplace the page.) Ask the other bridesmaids to do the same and hopefully you can get some of your money back.
Good luck!
Get all your reciepts and call a bridal party meeting. You definately don't want to run to the bride as she already has enough stress on her as it is. Tell the MOH you want to get together and tell them all "this is how much I've spent....let's figure it all out and see who owes me or who I owe so we can all pay an equal share." If the MOH is rude then talk to the brides mother and have her talk to the MOH without making a scene and without telling the bride.
Make copies of receipts for everything you spent for the shower. I would get it resolved before the party if possible. You can tell the bridesmaids if they don't want to throw in their share than you can and will take the alcohol back. Most places let you bring back unopened bottles.
For the future, get the money first.
Look at how much money each of you spent, rather than breaking it down to "who spent how much on decor? Who spent how much on food?" etc. Did each of you spend roughly the same amount of money, regardless of what you spent it on? If so, you really don't have anything to complain about. I wouldn't balance it out to the penny either, because it's never going to be 100% even. I'd be willing to bet what you spent on alcohol and what the others spent on food and decor is going to pretty much be even.
This is why all of the details should be worked out beforehand and agree on dollar amounts to be spent. At this point, I would ask everyone to bring their receipts, tally them up and split the cost evenly. That is the only fair thing to do now.
My opinion is that everyone should produce the receipts for the items purchased. That should be totalled and the sum divided among all of you. Those who spent less should pitch in cash to those that spent more so it works out evenly.
This is the fair way to handle the matter now that it is becoming an issue.
When my cousin got Engaged, my Aunts gave his Fiancee' a bridal shower. Most of the time either relatives or bridesmaids will give the bride a bridal shower. Hope this helps.