My friend is taking a poetry writing class and she was assigned to write a poem about pain: can you critique it and tell her what is good and bad about it.
Thanks soo much!!
Her eyes tell her life story
The words don't leave her soul
She replays the images in her mind until she despises her reflection
she watches her devil escape her thoughts
he rips out her soul allowing her to fell nothing but the sound of metal scraping on her bare cold skin
she digs deeper
She begins to feel the unexplainable relief that one small object that keeps her living
the devil crawls back inside to her imagination leaving the rest of the world only to see the smile on her face that never lived.
Copyright © 2024 QUIZLS.COM - All rights reserved.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Hi. very touching and sad poem, we all fight some kind of demon in our life, but we are over comer, your poem is fine the way you told it to your readers, nice ending and format. thanks for sharing.
Heres some things I would change;
Her eyes tell her story
But words don't leave her soul
Replaying images in her mind until she despises her reflection
she watches her devil escape thoughts
he rips out her soul allowing her to feel nothing but the sound of metal scraping on bare cold skin
He digs deeper
She begins to feel the unexplainable relief that one small object that keeps her living
the devil crawls back inside to her imagination leaving the rest of the world only to see the smile on her face that never lived.
UM, Not knowing if this is a sense she may actually feel, or the grade level, age of "the friend" we can only assume their reasons? If I was a caring instructor/mentor, I'd want to know more about a back story to the piece.
If in fact it is an expressed feeling by you or another, and knowing many of us experience these emotions, I suggest help beyond YAP, even if we are to assume this is venting believing in a hopelessness.
Considering that it's written in third person, not using "I" I wonder of the reality felt by the author?
Poetically it could be matured, no offense meant, formatted with a bit more impact.
The piece alludes to relief, obviously brief, not truly escaping or being free of her demons.
I like it :) If i was been really picky, i would just ask if it was mainly un punctuated for a reason. As some poems do this for effect? Also just a quick spelling mistake on the fifth line down were it says "fell" i believe it should be "feel?" But overall i think an very deep and meaning full poem and i think that it has stuck to the brief :)
Too many words. Good poems use little words that express a lot. More symbols, metafors, etc.