Critique a poem?!?!?! HELP?
My friend is taking a poetry writing class and she was assigned to write a poem about pain: can you critique it and tell her what is good and bad about it.
Thanks soo much!!
Her eyes tell her life story
The words don't leave her soul
She replays the images in her mind until she despises her reflection
she watches her devil escape her thoughts
he rips out her soul allowing her to fell nothing but the sound of metal scraping on her bare cold skin
she digs deeper
She begins to feel the unexplainable relief that one small object that keeps her living
the devil crawls back inside to her imagination leaving the rest of the world only to see the smile on her face that never lived.
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It's good.
Here's some bad things: the most that sticks out is the amount of she's, in poetry when a word is used excessively it makes the poem seem dull and boring and make the poet seem like they have a shortage of words/creativity. Next up "she digs deeper" it's short and deep but maybe add something onto that again shortage of words and creativity. Maybe add something like "She digs deeper trying to find herself and search to be released from the devil's grasp" or something. I didn't really get that part. I don't want to write this poem over but some of this is confusing and sort of doesn't make any sense. It's emotional and that catches an audience but the "devil" part may want to come out if not then just rewrite some of the lines. Maybe make it instead of about the devil, about someone close to her ripping out her soul when they broke up. It has potential and looks good but it's just not perfect. Let me know how it turns out.