do you think is this poetic?
Her eyes captured mine and drew me near, her ebony hair flowed like silk as we danced on the wind swept beach, she was a goddess her moonlit skin like marble shorn, the warmth of her body contrasted the night and sent shivers through me, we surrender to desire, two became one as our body’s joined to write poetry in the sand.
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If you restructured the layout it would be more poetic (because of form only). An example would be:
Her eyes
captured mine
drew me near,
ebony hair
flowed like silk,
as we danced
on wind swept beach,
she was a goddess,
her moonlit skin,
like marble shorn.
the warmth,
her body,
contrasted the night,
sent shivers
through me.
we surrender
to desire.
two become one,
body’s joined,
writing poetry
in sand.
I changed very little, I only took your words and put them in a more traditional form. It is quite good, keep writing.
Beautifully written.
wow that is amazinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngly amazing.
its perfect.
its beautiful.