Hey ppl.. I need some help solving a pretty complicated problem. My dad is taken in custody by the police for a while, its nothing serious, hes not a criminal, its just a misunderstanding that really pisses me off but we cant do anything but wait but with my really issue is this one :
My brother of 14 (im 18) doesn't know hes in "jail", he thinks he's simply on a business trip and he's not in the country for a while. but its been 2 months now n it might be a little bit longer until this whole thing gets solved and i don't know whether we should tell him or not.. im scared that it will affect him in a bad way n especially now that he has his exams n stuff he really doesn't need this burden right?? My dad calls twice a day so thats good but i think he might suspect that somethings wrong no? :s my whole family is tense n sad n on their last nerve because of this whole situation.. everyone bursts out in tears at the least thing that goes wrong, we get mad for the most stupid things so i really dont want to include us in our heartaches! he has a really good n special relationship with my dad and i dont want to change his image about our dad cuz he really is the best human being on this world who just really got screwed over by some ppl he worked with! We're allowed to visit him 3 times a week n i think my dad wants to see him , he missed hius bday last week, but i dont want my brother to see him in this state!
what do you think everybody?? i really need some advice!!
tnx... xoxo
Answers & Comments
I think you might be "too close" to the situation. Don't you think that your younger brother can sense something's up with all of the hysterics going on? What does your mom have to say? He is her son. I would tell him the facts and then take him to visit his father and let your dad explain the mess he's in. I commend your caring, but if you feel the truth will damage your brother in anyway, seek counseling from family services. Your brother will have to learn to accept his "hero", warts and all. That will be a bigger test. You have accepted the truth so let your brother discover the same. THEN, you can be a better sibling in guiding the form of acceptance he takes. Your father has to answer, not you.
I think hiding it from your brother makes the burden worst. The energy you guys are spending on hiding it from him is causing more stress. If your dad is innocent then you should feel better explaining it to your brother. Imagine if your dad was guilty and you had to tell him that. That would have really been a stress factor. Tell him the truth don't hide it he'll be angry with you all if he finds out the wrong way then he might really change his behavior for the bad!
Definetly this is something that is pretty complicated, but me as a mature 15yo, I believe your brother deserves you to be honest with him and let him see your dad. Explain everything in a very nice way first, not mentioning your dad or anything, and then at the end of the story mention that you are going to go see him, thats all.
exposure must be effective or unfavorable. as quickly as u've grown to be observed take it from any attitude by using fact there's a reason at the back of something that occurs in our lives. do not enable it get at you from now on in any different case u'll would be a double loser. Take it with a pinch and make urself the secret cool and calculated clever female in down. pass on, u'll meet greater effective people than those that don't understand and have self belief in you.
you must be in another country ,,custody doesn't last that long except in Turkey and thats for drugs which is a life sentence,,with over crowding in the jails they should have let him go after 24hr,,,,unlesssss it was a parole violation and if that is what it was than its back till your sentence is done + any other charges brought up ,, your brother should have been told
Let his exams get over. Explain to him everything you just said here. And then maybe he'd like to see your Dad