I wrap my hands around the cup of hot chocolate that was now cool because of the frozen air. My eyes glance down at my shoes that are worn to the bone, even my socks show. I close my eyes and press the coffee cups against my lips allowing the warm drink to fill my mouth. Sundays to me are hopeless, every Sunday is the same. My mother sent me out to head across town to the market to pick up food for the week, as she always does. The market is about four miles from my house, but its hard to get anywhere with this weather. I better get going if I want to make it home before dark. With each step I drag my feet in the dirty snow. Just a few minutes later I see the familiar "Monroe Market" sign up ahead. Before I head inside I make my best attempt to shake some of the snow off my body. "Well if it isn't Hailey Soren" I smile at Mr.Coleson. "and how are you today lovely lady" he adds. "fine, how are you?" I glide my fingers across one of the bright red apples. "good good, and hows the family?" Mr. Coleson always asks about my family because of my sick sister and helpless mother. "fine" I answer shortly.
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Answers & Comments
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Hmm...reminds me a lot of the hunger games. I think you could use some more adjectives. There's no such thing as over describing. My English teacher taught me "Show instead of tell", so how else could you say " but its hard to get anywhere with this weather." Make it seem like it is almost impossible for her to reach her destination because of the bad weather, and the state of her shoes, for example you could say "My feet shone red with the welting blisters that were now forming. The icy earth beneath my worn out feet made it impossible for me to trek anywhere, never mind 4 miles across town."
I'm not sure if you understand what I'm trying to say, but trust me it makes sense. I was a little apprehensive when my teacher first taught me this method, but then I realised that it made my writing look a lot more mature, and informative to the reader.
Good luck with the rest.