A slam poem is basically a poem that disses something. Is it obvious what I'm disisng? If not how do I fix it?
The only thing that come out of your mouth
Is complaints
A roof over your head
Food on the table
Clothes on your body
Not grateful for a single thing you have…
You still complain
I don’t think you realize that there are...
Thousands of people without that
Struggling to survive
Begging on the streets
You say you’re better off dead
But thousands would kill for a life like yours
They say that pleasure
Is absence of pain,
But to know the sun
You must know the rain
And you my friend,
Have felt neither
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I find it a bit unconvincing.
Things go better with Coke
You're in good hands with Allstate
GE brings good things to life
Have it your way ...at McDonalds!
I am not convincing in these slogans because I am just quoting advertising. I don't care enough to use my own words.
A roof over your head
Food on the table
The clothes on your back
...these are cliche expressions. Your slightly modifying the third one does not save it from being mere parroting the words of others rather than finding your own voice.
So no, I don't hear any anger, just laziness.