It from a book I'm wroking on. It's a sex scene so bare with me.
My mouth opens in disbelieve, he bend's kissing me softly. Taking my hand he leads me to the shower, the water is cooler by now. I stand there letting it fall over me. When I feel his arms go around me I shiver, he trail's kisses down my neck and back than back up, I turn to meet his gaze. He grabs my thighs and lifts me up my legs automacley going around him. And he fills me up again, my head falls back as I moan out. He place a hand in the Middle of my back to keep me from falling, pushing deeper into me.
So what you thank is it right my mane concarn is the sintice with "and" at the beging is that right. Thank's
Update:I didn't realize I capitalized middle. I' m on a phone so some times I hit a button not meaning to
Update 3:I happen to be 31. And I did spell check thank you.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
An apostrophe is not a symbol meaning "Hey, there's an S coming!" Spellcheck is your friend, although it won't catch homophones like "disbelieve" for "disbelief." Why is "Middle" capitalized? You have several run-on sentences and need to learn how to use a comma.
Those are just the mechanics. As for the scene itself, it's a dry "tab A slot B" narrative and really isn't interesting at all. Engage all the senses, and the emotions as well.
Probably not what you want to hear, but this needs serious work.
ETA: If you used spellcheck, then how in the world did it miss "automacley"?
Sorry, but pretty much nothing about this is right. There are so many spelling/grammar mistakes I don't know where to start. There's no emotion, no sense of titillation or eroticism. It's just a list saying this happened, then this happened, then this happened.
Maybe you should try reading some proper erotica before you try writing a sex scene.
You lost me at "My mouth opens in disbelieve"
Spell check is your friend. If you're too young to spell, you're too young to write sex scenes. At best, this is comical.
I would have been better off in that shower alone....lol just kidding..kinda
Gosh, learn some spelling and punctuation.
That should be your "mane concern" (sic).