Will you sing to me
On this lonely night?
Will you change my mind?
Or will you make me cry?
I'm tired,
Lost then found.
Cold, alone,
I'm not sure how.
Losing sight of who I am.
I'm cold, alone;
Find me now.
I can't see my reflection
(you know me better than yourself)
In this broken mirror.
(help me find myself)
I fear I'm not real
(Catch me if I fall)
I've chosen what I know is wrong.
(Oh God, what have I done?)
Wake me up from this dream.
Nothing here is what it seems.
Please answer my screams
Before there's nothing left of me.
_________________________________
I asked this question before and got two answers that said it was really awesome, which I don't believe. There has to be some good answers, some bad.
(In song form this would sound like Evanescence/Kerli)
So judge it from your high horse, 'kay? Honesty, and all that.
Update:And, yes, painfully aware of how similar it is to Evanescence.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Sounds like you're almost directly copying "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence.
i might provide it an 8/10. It particularly solid and shows which you particularly have means for writing. some issues i observed: -it incredibly is style of dramatic. the tale shows twentieth or nineteenth century. don't be in a hurry to apply up all the wordy words. Even the finest writing could be genius. -If that's a prologue, make it greater mysterious, greater suspense-like. Prologues ought to advance the suspense of the reader and make him/her choose for to study greater. -i do no longer think of chatter can 'reverberate'. Chatter pours. Reverberate is used for a hollow, empty sound that echoes, like a super bell. -one greater subject. If Elizabeth presses her cheek against the glass, how come the adult adult males might have pushed her from the window? If it is twentieth/nineteenth century, they're going to ought to unlatch the window, and then push her out, precise? That'll take it sluggish and he or she ought to do greater suitable than gasp if she did have the time. and that i'm specific the adult adult males wont bang her against the glass till at last she cracks it. additionally, the word 'occasion' would not somewhat greater healthful right here (assuming it is 1850-1940). How approximately 'adventure' or 'ball'? foundation unquestionably spoke of a few subject I had no concept approximately.
im a song writer too :]
and i think the ending lyrics:
can't see my reflection
(you know me better than yourself)
In this broken mirror.
(help me find myself)
I fear I'm not real
(Catch me if I fall)
I've chosen what I know is wrong.
(Oh God, what have I done?)
Wake me up from this dream.
Nothing here is what it seems.
Please answer my screams
Before there's nothing left of me
^ are my favorite :) theyre deep and relatable.
i like them :] good job!
Terrific!
i think you have some pain in your heart. even my guess is right or wrong your poetry is awesome i like it very much. it was god's gift to write like that everyone won't get that. all the best.