Do you ever listen?

The Honest one @The Honest one

May 2021 10 58 Report

Do you ever listen?

Shhh

Shhh, listen can you hear the wind blowing through the trees?

If you watch even closer you can watch the dancing leaves,

If you listen very carefully you can hear their joyful song,

Their songs will never end as they sing softly all year long,

Shhh listen can you hear the sound of the sea its wave lapping at the shore?

Just like a symphony who loves to play, playing louder more and more,

At times the raging sea like a well rehearsed crescendo,

The drum banging down hard on the sand; after a time it begins to mellow,

Shhh listen can you hear the Robin claiming the right to his very own space?

His song so sweet to attract his mate, to continue their own special race,

A Robins song is one of beauty, like love flowing gently through the air

The song continues forever, his mate appears and there song, so fair

Shhh listen can you hear that noise, so far but yet so near?

It’s the start of a water fall that flows softly, like a melody to your ear.

It starts like a whistle, a violin,

Update:

I'm alright for constructive criticism, it make writing a little better, but I dislike idiots who come to the poetry section and say, "Oh you know it's only poetry", or "what are you smoking" well, this is the poetry section the last time I looked, but if you need a hand locating anything to you standard of education, I think the Under 5's is just up the a few pages. Peter

Update 3:

Pami, your a darling, thank you for the constructive advice, believe me I will take it in, I so want to get it right, I so want to continue writing and writing, I could do it all day, I dream about it, I eat with it, and I even sing about it. I just want to express myself not only in lonely dramatic situations, but happy and romantic anything that comes into my head. Thanks again, lovs ya back/ Peter

Arts & Humanities / Poetry

carpathian3030

Verified answer

Thank you, you have opened my mind to the wonders of what is outside my window, i never thought about it before now i will. I love to listen to the rain and thunder storm in the dark watch the lighting and hear the rain as it hits the ground, now i have so much more to learn and listen to thanks to you. The next time i go out my front door i will stand and close my eyes and listen to all the things that make my world and enjoy it and learn from it.

Ballerina Butterfly Queen

Peter dearheart you are just getting better and better. Your first stanza is the best with its lyrical flow, you lose some of the meter with some words that could be deleted...more on that later....L1 in your second stanza could be polished thusly...

Shhh listen, you can hear the sea, her waves lapping at the shore...or if you have to have in question form just reverse it to "can you"

L3 extended...

At certain times she rages and races in percussion crecendo (just a thougth...like a well rehearsed....takes away the elemental lovliness you've created)

L4 delete The and begin with, Her drums [beating]hard on the sand, then slowing in soft sigh, becoming mellow

Stanza 3: L1 Shhh listen, can you hear the Robin claiming his own space?

The rest is great!

Starting with stanza 4 I made some changes for you to use if you want that helps with the flow in meter and cuts out some of the deadwood ...like I changed "sound" to cascading in waterfall....you can use or ignore any suggestion in change naturally...just trying to help...it's my thang ya know ^_^

Shhh listen can you hear that [sweet sound far away, yet so near?]

It’s the [cascading] of a waterfall [flowing] softly, like a melody to your ear.

[It starts like a harp blowing in the wind or the song of a violin,]

The sound trumpets [in] full orchestra, a thundering crash joins in;

Shhh listen can you hear that [rustling?] It’s a tiny little mouse

Skimpering and scampering for bits of food, lying on the ground

Then, a movement, the mouse looks up, to see looking at him --

[An owl, gazing with wide eyed interest, he flees, safe to his den then.]

Shhh listen you can’t hear a sound; it’s the peace and quiet of the night.

The time where our own world lays to rest under the covers nice and tight

You may hear the nightingales song afar as it travels through the streets

Your eyes heavy, your breathing soft, the night is here; it’s time to sleep.

Goodnight Gob bless, may your dreams be sweet and comforting.

REALLY, REALLY WONDERFUL WORK HERE PETE!!! FANTASTIC JOB...just helping you with some of the finer technical points.

Gotta go eat dinikins...love ya!!!!

I can't do that for some reason. I just don't like listening to a song over and over again, or more than once usually. I like it cause it means I don't get sick of the song easily. BQ: probably like 3 times lol BQ2: Don't even remember BQ3: I think I listened to "Left Hand Ov God" a few times in a row a month or so ago when i was really sad about something.

dreamer...

yeah, don't listen to those other idiots. i love your poem. it is so beautiful in the way you expose your own thoughts of the world around you. i love the part when you said, 'shh, listen, can you hear that noise, so far but yet so near?' i love this poem, and that Australian, British, batman dude, doesn't know a thing. which brings me to the question, why are they in the poetry section if they don't even like it?? ((could it be they have a little dark secret??))

Sarah

I think that you wrote a very nice poem about listening. I really liked it and the title "Shhh".

I also think that we get to busy in our day to day lives to really listen. We don't even listen to each other, we all talk at once LOL. Why would we listen to the many sound of nature?

jdydewing

Just beautiful, it is nice to see there are people that can write about the beauty in things. I will have to thank my contact for staring you, and I have also for the chance to read your poem. I went through and also gave a rating to the people that could appreciate beauty in writing.