Why do parents treat their teenagers like they are criminals, that we will steal something and we are automatically bad and need to be kept under constant surveillance? Don't they remember teenagers? Why do they baby us, yet still tell us that we need to grow up?
My mom freaked out when I wanted to spend a day at the beach with my best (girl) friend and 2 guys (and *nothing* would have happened, we are only 14)
but she still says i should be independent?
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Yes, we parents remember being teenagers.. and that's part of the problem. We'll never tell our kids what we where like as teens.. but trust me the apple rarely drops far from the tree. That thing you think you're getting away with... chances are your parents did something just like that or worse (worse in my case). We don't want our kids to end up like us. We want our kids to have better opportunities and a better chance in life. Your mom might've done something or had something happen herself in a similar situation and that's why she's freaking out. Of course she'll never tell you what she did or what happened... out of fear that you'd find it a license to do it rather than a lesson. Or it could be she's having issues seeing you as independent. Yes, she tells you that she wants you to be independent, but she's having her own issues letting you achieve it because she's invested so much time and love into you for the last 14 years it's hard to see that go. The next 4 years are going to slip by fast and soon you'll be off to college or whatever it is you do to shape your own life. She's going to miss you.
The independence she's talking about is being able to stand on your own.. Like: making decisions not influenced by what your friends or others may think. Not recanting your decision because your friends didn't like it.
She wants you to be you and not alter what or who you are because someone shoves their opinion on you.
Also why she won't let you spend the day with them is probably because she either doesn't know them or maybe it's not that she doesn't trust you or see you as guilty for nothing. It's that her child is growing up and actually not needing her anymore, parents (especially mothers) have a difficulty in letting go of the 'puppet strings' because they have had dominating rule in your life.
Now it's a power struggle between your friends influence, what you think is best, and what they believe they know is best.
Have you considered looking at things the way she's seeing them? That might help you better understand where she is coming from. (And I too went through similar situations with my parents, mainly my father, even after I turned 18. It's a parental thing.)
Parents will dotee on their children. Your parents want to let you be independent. Apparently, your parents do not really trust that you can take care of yourself. Your mom freaked out probably cos you're just 14. Well, maybe you should really have a chat with your parents. And day by day, prove to them by actions that you can be independent and they will allow you to go out with your friends.
The main thing is not to shout or act childish when you're trying to reason with her. If she sees you're mature enough not to behave like a little kid, she'll probably let you go. I know, my mom's the same way.
I'm already 16, and she won't even let me hang out with a friend whom she saw smoking once. I mean, seriously. I guess it means they love us, but I have a tough time appreciating that when I'm the only one sitting alone at home on Saturday afternoon....
parents love you so much that they would not want you to get into trouble.At the same time they want you to be a good human being when you grow up
..."they" love and care about you more then you (right now) can understand... Humor "them"...you'll all be just fine !